Thanks, Eleanor

I spent a lot of time this week thinking about this quote. I've seen it before, but I've never really thought about it. OF COURSE you are in control of your own confidence, right? 

Over the last few months, I've been taking a class that encourages me to be more self-aware - aware of my triggers, aware of my reactions, aware of how I'm interacting with people around me, aware of how I am affecting my own feelings and behavior. We spent some time talking about this quote and how aggressive and submissive behaviors both come from a place of fear. Everyone is afraid of something - not spiders or heights or losing a loved one - but something deeper. Something that drives us.

It takes a little work to dig down through all the lies we tell ourselves to find what you're afraid of. As my class went through that work, we started getting real with each other and the fears started flowing - abandonment, isolation, being forgotten, being wrong, failing, being hurt, losing control, not living up to full potential. No one laughed. People nodded.

Two of the biggest fears in the group, though, were the fear of judgement and the fear of not being good enough. These are big. We can be hard on ourselves - often we are our own worst critic - but these fears are all about OTHER PEOPLE! They have nothing to do with how well we are doing, how strong we are, how good we feel, or how many challenges we are overcoming. We can totally be rocking our life and still fear what other people think.

And that's where the Eleanor Roosevelt quote comes in.

My teacher says that having fears isn't bad. Fear is part of being human. But we should work to be aware of our fears. Once we're aware of them we can decide if our actions are being dictated by them. And once we realize that it's our fears that are making us act a certain way, we can quiet them and move on. Easier said than done a lot of the time. But the more you practice this, the easier it becomes.

Take body image, for example. Poor body image is all about fear of judgement and fear of not being good enough. But these fears are all about OTHER PEOPLE!! We are afraid that other people will judge us and that we won't be good enough for them to.....what? Like us? Love us? Think we look good?

I would be lying if I said I didn't get caught up in feeling bad about myself sometimes. But Eleanor's quote has been helping lately. As long as I'm trying, I'm proud of myself. I can know that I have work to do without putting myself down or thinking that I'm not good enough. I am not inferior to anyone else just because I have a few extra pounds to lose or don't run quite as fast. 

To prove this to myself, I bought something this week that I never thought I'd buy - a running skirt. I'm now an Ambassador for Skirt Sports and, while I love their capris and tops, I was a little nervous about rocking one of their running skirts because I've always told myself that I don't like the way my legs look. 

Isn't that the silliest thing ever? My legs have carried me for almost 42 years. They've scored goals. They've climbed mountains. They've run a marathon. They've been cut open and stitched back together. And I don't like them??? Just writing it down makes me laugh.

So I bought a running skirt. And I love it. I ran in it today for the first time and I felt incredibly empowered. Sure it was comfortable and cool and didn't ride up while I ran. And it looks really cute. But mostly, I loved it because I was loving myself by wearing it.

So maybe people will judge me when I wear it. Maybe there are people who would look better in it. But that's ok. I'll keep working on not putting myself down. In fact, I know for certain there is a whole group of people out there that will be cheering me on in my running skirt....the people who love me for me and not for what my legs looks like.

Where did this new found confidence come from? Well, first it's come from finally getting my mind and my body back after my cancer fight and realizing that my body just went through hell and I should not only be nice to it, but LOVE it. Why should I let someone who doesn't even know what I've gone through judge me and make me feel bad? Come on....

But I've also gained a lot from just a few weeks as a Skirt Sports Ambassador. It's why I signed up to be an Ambassador before I even owned any of their clothes. I read about the #REALwomenmove initiative and it hooked me. The women in this group encourage each other regardless of age, shape, or fitness level. They celebrate each other and celebrate the feeling of empowerment that comes from moving....at any speed and in any way possible. 

So thanks, Eleanor, for your words of wisdom. I'll try my best to keep living up to them.